Source: Golden Snow
"Write your life - Or they'll wait till you're dead to write the lie"... (@spectraspeaks)
Part 82... by Golden Snow
I cannot say that Danny changed, and he still was terrible to live with. The children were growing, and they saw and heard everything. Jacob said time and again, "Mom, let's just leave." Why I didn't, I will never really know. There is not a real answer to that but as I study it out in my mind I know that I was afraid to lose the boys but most of all I was afraid that I could not look after them. So weeks turned into years, and I stayed. I said to myself, as soon as the children are finished school. Then as soon as the boys are married.
The years of building up of anxiety had their hold on us all. Jacob, after seeing his dad drinking and the pain it gave to all around him, began also drinking unnoticed to me at the age of twelve. He drank from his father's bottles and put water into them to fill them up again. This worked for him because there were always new bottles. He also got into smoking at school and smoked pot. I never really caught him but he told me later in his life. I know that the others did also. They informed me a few times after they had left home. So the cycle continues. Jacob was the only one who continued the drinking, and even today he is my heart ache. He has the sweetest heart and gentle ways but he drinks... He keeps his job and does well at it but he drinks at home and is an invert... His wife moved out but still goes to see him a lot. They seem to be happy. I have never heard of him beating her. The drinking drove them apart...
Danny stopped drinking, but he never stopped being cruel. He was only thirty years old when they found out that he had a hardening of the arteries, a disease his Mother died of. He became unable to perform in sexual activity. That never mattered to me. We were not close, and I spent twenty of those years of marriage being true to him but he never believed it. I worked full time as a sales representative for a company and hired and trained people for their jobs. I also went back to school and finished my grade school, and a secretary course in the one year. I enjoyed training and stayed with the company for twelve years. I was very unhappy when the last child was about to get married.
There was a New Year's Eve Party at the home of Danny's sisters. I did not want to go, but he insisted that we did. I asked him not to drink, and he told me to go to hell. I went with him but said that I will drive home. When the time came to leave Danny said: "No way, I am driving home." It was a trip into hell and a night I will never forget. I have heard about things like this but could not believe that it was happening to me. I tried again for him to let me drive. He just swore at me and said: "Get in the damn car, I can drive."
Golden Snow "I was thinking how fast the time has moved along dali48 , I am enjoying more my writings and life. Thanks for your postings dali48"
Annex2 to the blogs of dali48
dali48
in Baden-Baden 8/2010
Blogspot,
diary3 by dali48 on twitter Diary3 by dali48 on twitter is about healing in the past and the future - focused on the present. It includes the following authors: Ayya Khema, S. Hite, VE Frankl, M. Messeguer, G. Marquez, W. Golding, Dalai Lama, DTSuzuki, J. Seiffert, Thich Nhat Hanh, Buddha, Jvd Wetering, Allen Ginsberg, C. Simon, Johannes Paul1, K. Dürckheim, W. Soyinka, S. Freud, Sloterdiyk, J. Brodsky, P. Celan, A. Schweitzer, G. Groddeck, hl.Hildegard, IB Singer, T. Dethlefsen, AT Kushi...
Golden Snow
“thank you dali48 for your very informative and interesting Dairy 3 -
filled with so much to help us with our health and improve our ways of
eating, Herbal information ... I loved learning of others lives and
condition they live, writers whose words have been smothered, because
truth was written ... loved every moment of reading”... - Golden Snow "Most interesting book I have read in many years ... the truth within the pages alone are a refreshing change ... covers so many subjects, thank you dali48"...
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Tagebuch 2009: Wie ich psychisch und physisch wieder gesund wurde... (Status: 8/2008) von dali48
siehe Bod.de, etc. - Diary 2009 by dali 48 on twitter is about a 25-year-old, both
psychological and even physical healing process by using natural
medicine - especially herbal medicines, and also meditation exercises
from Zen Buddhism. Inspiring to further reading are also excerpts from
speeches of Nobel laureates in literature from 2009 to currently back
1959, etc...
Golden Snow's review
"a book filled with important information to guide one through
life in health both body and mind ... also to learn history as it has
taken place ... five stars from me ... Thanks dali48"...
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Tagebuch 2008 von dali48, siehe Google, Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/author/
Diary 2008 of dali48 contains many valuable tips of the alternative medicine and phytotherapy. The introduction to Zen Buddhism is also good for laymen to understand. Inspiring and stimulating to further reading are the excerpts of speeches of Nobel Laureates in Literature - starting with Le Clézio (2008), back to Beckett, Boell, Kawabata, Solzhenitsyn, etc... Tags: Ayya Khema, Valerian, Comfrey, Nettle, Buddha, Buddhism, Clézio Covitz Dukkha parents emotions inflammation, earth, cold, food, fennel, woman, joy, peace, feel, danger, feeling, Spirit, Health, gout, happiness, "God", skin heart, helps, cough, immune, St John's, Chamomile, Kawabata, Ayya Khema, children, headache, body, disease, cancer, life, suffering, love, life, dandelion, People, migraine, natural, nerve, Nobel, rheumatoid, patients, parsley, sage, shadow, yarrow, sleep, insomnia, pain, soul, September 2008, Smullyan, Solzhenitsyn, plantain, stress, Centaury, Thich Nhat Hanh, thyme, subconsciously, mourning, past, losses, juniper, water, hawthorn, world, work, world, sugar, etc... Facebook of Golden Snow https://www.facebook.com/golden.snow.3
Golden Snow
“Enjoying your many post on health dali48 ... it means a
lot in my life to have sites and blogs to follow and gain better health ... I
have been fighting a Chemical war inside my body for 29 years and found relief
in so many of your posts ... my health has
improved to the point I can do my own shopping at the market ... I love the
fact that your Diaries contains a mixture of great information for the readers
... so well chosen ... well thought out to help everyone” ...
see "Banking Crisis 2008" and Climate Change and robots and poor people and social diseases and homelessness etc. - instead of basic income (ca. 500 euro) - Uncontrolled capitalism produces evil as bees produce honey etc... (dali48)
see dali48 and Climate Change since ca. 2000 and Copenhagen 2009 etc... |
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